January 31, 2011

Benbata is an ancient method of getting yoked/gacked/yammed out, utilized by only the noblest of strength enthusiasts of the most exclusive strength training clans.  The secrets of Benbata have been handed down from generation to generation only to a select few factions who are still considered followers of this system.  I alone have unlocked the secrets of this lost art and for the benefit of science and will shed light unto Benbata’s forbidden past.

But first, a few facts about Benbata history and hard science:

-Benbata was 1st practiced by King Benbata of the Sumerian Civilization sometime around 5000BC.

-Famous athletes/heroes who’ve been known to practice Benbata include such celebrities as: Gilgamesh, Beowulf, and Galactus, Eater of Worlds.

-Recent studies suggest that Benbata is the quickest, most efficient method of catching a pump so you can look jacked in your V-neck on a Saturday night.

Galactus uses Benbata to look yoked in his V-neck.

How to properly perform a Benbata:

1)      Exercise vigorously.  This is to adequately “prime” your energy pathways for a proper Benbata, which takes place at the end of your workout.  Your primary outlet for getting jacked should be utilized first.  If you’re an Olympic lifter, lift.  If you’re a kettlebeller, swing away.  If you’re a crossfitter, shoot your WOD.

2)      Choose an exercise.  Push presses or lat pull-downs look awesome.  Weights should be between 40-60% of your max to ensure that you can get maximally yammed.

3)      Perform until volitional fatigue.  (20+? 30+? 50+ reps??!!)  Loud, exaggerated grunts or catchphrases such as “OH YEAH!” can and should be executed at the completion of each rep.  Advanced Benbata practitioners will often pronounce full sentences uttered between reps. Example: “Are . . . you . . . fucking . . . seeing . . . this . . . So . . . fucking  . . . jacked!” Full body movement is encouraged to increase dynamic power output.  Example: Feet can be alternated during split of push jerk to make more awesome.

4)      1 to 2 exercises.  Boom.  Done.  You just got jacked in less than 10 minutes.

(I would have provided a video of myself doing a benbata set but I did not feel like looking like a total idiot on the internet.)

also, I DID NOT DRAW THIS.  But I was cruising for pics of the Epic, Gilgamesh to add to the silliness of this post when I saw this pic on an art website. I dig it.

I dig this. I have no idea who did it.


Front squats: last 5×5 day.  157kg.  went up a LOT easier than 2 weeks ago.

Hang snatch:  these looked pretty slow and soft.  We started saying that they looked “half-mast” or “50-50.”  Went up to 110kg. for some singles.

(Press 50kg.x10/hanging leg raisex15)x4


-Beat the fire temple.

-Clean and jerk:  took a solid 140 and then clarked 150.  Go figure.

-Did some pull-ups and then sat down to watch the rest of the Ironmind vid that was playing.  China training hall ’95.  Classic.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: